My Fave Quotes from the Jaz Parks series by Jennifer Rardin (Part dos)

Aaannndd.. I'm back with more hilarity from Jaz!! :D
~ Kira

• “You’re a damn genius. Do you think if I could make a gun like that little beauty you brought us I’d be dragging my sorry ass up some rock on my free time? Hell no! I’d be locked in my lab with my Bunsen burners on full blast, spreading beakers and whatnot across my tables and rubbing my hands like a maniac at the thought of what kinda wild shit I was going to come up with today!”
• The deep, booming sound of the door knocker shut us all up. Dave and Cassandra rushed into the room. “Were you expecting company?” he asked me. I couldn’t resist. “No, David. All my Iranian pals are busy this week.”
• In the Vampere world we’d be considered a couple of some sort. His sverhamin to my avhar. Certain rules applied, only a few of which I knew. He had to reveal anything I wanted to know about his past. In return — well — pretty much, I had to make sure he didn’t turn into a towering asshole, take over some small country, and eat his neighbors.
• I could just punch him in the gut and run off, cackling, into the night. However, considering his eight-year-old mentality, he’d probably take that as a sign of affection and the next thing you know we’d be engaged.
• “You and I should be fine. I have rescinded my agreement with Zarsa. I will not try to meet Badu and Hanzi until I am sure they will not be harmed by our reunion. And yet I sense you would cheerfully slam my head against the wall if you thought you could get away with it. Why is that?”
• “Be careful, please. If I have to bring you back to life again, Raoul’s going to want something major, like a virgin sacrifice. And I need Bergman too badly to give him up at this point.”
• It was blocked by a chained gate upon which hung a sign that might’ve spelled out why nobody but the owners were allowed to drive past that point — except I couldn’t read Farsi, so I was just guessing. For all I knew, it said, "Sick of living? Have we got a job for you! Inquire inside."
• I looked up at him, his excitement so palpable I could almost reach out and stroke it, like a luscious mink coat I’d feel guilty about petting while I totally grooved on the furry. Lucky for us, my contrary nature drives me to poke holes in anything that seems overinflated.
• “Ya scared?”Bergman nodded again. But he said, “No, not at all. Of course, my bowels are so loose if I stood up I’d shit down both legs. But I’m sure it was just something I ate.” They looked at each other for a couple of beats. Then they both burst into laughter.
• If my knowledge of necromancy was correct, all we had to do was break his concentration, get his eyes off those zombies, and our guys would be able to destroy them. I looked at Vayl. Got the nod.
  “So you’re the son of a bitch who killed my brother.”
• Before Albert could slam me, Vayl said, “I share your daughter’s concerns. What if your visitor decides to come early? At the very least, it would throw off our entire mission to have to bury you this week.”
• “Let’s introduce him to Albert. See if he can resist yanking out a handful of this guy’s chest hair. Who told him he should unbutton the top three anyway?”
  Our guide held up a finger. Was that light pink polish on his nails? He’d better not be waving his hands around much tonight. If Albert caught a glimpse he’d tackle the guy and make him cover his hands with dirt. Or worse, Jack droppings.
• “What the hell is wrong with these people?” he asked, his voice carrying at least as far as Glasgow. How refreshing that, for once, nobody knew we were related. “Gosh, Albert, I don’t know. Maybe they’d rather spend time with the dead than insensitive mooks like you.” I know, I know. Nobody can turn me into a hypocrite faster than my dad.
• “Stop it!” I hissed, shoving dirt back into the small hole Jack had made. “If this is revenge for the neutering, I’d just like to remind you, that lamp you mistakenly took for a golden retriever cost me a hundred bucks to replace. And I’m still having issues peeing in my own toilet after catching you . . . ugh! It makes me shiver to remember! So if you think this makes us even, think again!”
• “Trade me right now, or I swear we are not going Rollerblading at all next time we’re home,” I whispered. He dropped the unburied treasure and went for the treat. I’m telling you, this dog of mine is smarter than he looks.
• “How would you feel if a bunch of nosy jerks came in and started stomping all over your grave? I know I’d be pissed, and I’m not even going to be buried.”
  “You’re not?”
  “Nope. I’m debating between being shot into space and having my body stuffed and mounted on a pedestal at the Playboy Mansion.” While Iona giggled I slapped my hand to my forehead. Where did he come up with this stuff?
• “Well, come on. What’s romantic about pouring bleach down your throat when all you have to do is wait around for a couple of years till you’re old enough to tell your folks to shove it?”
• Long sigh, followed by an okay-I’ll-deal nod. “Do you really think it will last that long? After all, you are an absolute pain in the rear.”
  “Raoul!”
  “Always interrupting me with your demands. Wreathing my head with obscenities. Borrowing my equipment. Bringing it back all bloody and chipped.”
  “I did not!”
  By now he was grinning. “Do you irritate everyone you work with this much?”
• “Did you feel that?” I asked.
  Albert checked over his shoulder, as if I’d just warned him of a sneak attack. “What?”
  I pointed to the ground. “That. Just now. Like a mini quake?”
  “Nope. Maybe you had gas.”
  I cocked my head up at him, wishing once again that I could claim to be adopted. “You’ve gotta be kidding.”
• “Hear, hear!” seconded a cheerful, barrel-chested man whose wild white hair made him look like he’d just had an amazing idea that would probably lead to the invention of a tasty microbrew.
• I sighed. The fledgling romance I’d seen blooming in the woods didn’t have a chance if he couldn’t let me go. “Dude, you need to find a girl who loves you and needs you. I don’t think you realize how much you enjoy protecting people. If you did, you’d see there’s a woman in this room right now who fits you like a damn Speedo.” “That’s pretty tight.”
  “Uh-huh.”
• “We would’ve been good, Jaz.” “Maybe. Until you left me. Or I killed you. Whichever came first.”
• Vayl murmured, “I was going to search the bedrooms while everyone enjoyed the show down here. But perhaps, considering the frustration rising off you like lethal radiation, you would prefer that task?”
• “Are you kidding? I’d agree to play the pony at a five-year-old’s birthday party if it meant we were making some sort of progress on this crap deal.”
• Rhona slept in the full-sized bed, making enough racket to shake the table, the lamp, and the nearly empty bottle of sleeping pills beside her. A green mud pack covered her face and she’d pulled an orange shower cap contraption over her hair. Seriously, if I’d encountered her in the hall and I was drunk, or under the age of twelve, I’d have screamed, “Alien!”