My Fave Quotes from the Jaz Parks series by Jennifer Rardin (Part uno)

Here are some of my really really REALLY fave quotes from the awesomest (aftr georgia nicolson - ofcourse) Jaz Parks series by Jennifer Rardin! As there are so many, i'm dividing them into parts. Hope you like them too. :)
luv,
Kira

• "We took a path lined with Japanese lanterns around to the front of the house, uh, mansion, um, pretentious freaking monstrosity posing as a home. Yeah, that's more like it."
• Sometimes things would be so much simpler if you could just pull out your gun and shoot the bad guy. Reason number seventeen why Indiana Jones is my hero. :D
• "I don't want to go. What if the monster eats my soul?" I sounded like a three-year-old, cowering under the covers, knowing what sleeps under the bed. But I was scared, more even than when I'd been young and dumb enough to believe I could survive anything.Vayl stared into my eyes, willing me to believe him. "It won't. ...And if it does, we will hang it by the ankles and thump it on the back until it coughs you up."
• My family had subjected to nearly one hundred years worth of blood and guts. We seem to spawn killers, no doubt about that. I found myself hoping that E.J. could break the chain. Maybe when I got a free second I'd give her a call and make that suggestion. Never mind that she was less than a month old and would spend the entire time trying to eat the receiver. It's never too early to start brainwashing your young.
• Okay, Jaz, you are now in damage-control mode. That means you may not flip out all the way. No word looping. No blackouts. And no card shuffling —until you’re alone. At which time if you want to swing from the chandelier and bark like a German shepherd, go right ahead. Until then—play sane.
• She left at a regal, controlled pace although I suspected she would’ve enjoyed it more if she could’ve stomped on his foot and run off, cackling madly as she receded into the Texas dawn.
• “I am an old woman, you know,” she said pitifully. I leaned over and patted her hand. “Don’t be so hard on yourself. Even now you don’t look a day over seven hundred.”
• I’m thinking maybe you should not follow your first instincts when we speak to these boys’ fathers, because tearing their arms off and beating them over the heads with them is not going to solve the ultimate problem.
• “Don’t worry,” I said, patting the gun holstered under my armpit. “We have a backup plan.” Actually I could’ve patted other areas of my body as well, but then I’d have either looked like I was hunting for matches or feeling myself up. Either way, a lame way to communicate that I’d added some blades to the mix as well.
• I squinted and it came clearer. Okay, so I guessed I’d have to do this looking as if I needed a good pair of bifocals. Why, oh why, couldn’t I once receive a Supernatural Gift that required a good tan and my own personal stylist?
• “I had to see you, Jaz.” I spun, as I recognized my mother’s voice. It was coming out of Viv’s mouth. I saw her features settle over Viv’s, her honey-colored hair falling over Viv’s blond locks like a bad wig. “I knew you wouldn’t talk to me, so I tried to get to you through your father. But he’s harder to communicate with than a teenager with his iPod blasting” She sent Albert a dirty look, which he returned times twelve.
• And how exactly did I feel about an extended visit with dear old Pops? When he turned his back on me to open the door I performed several head kicks and one sweeping skull punch that just missed him every time. "My Dad Is an Asshole". I’m telling you, it’s going to be a bestseller.
• If he’s found another stray from the department’s hit list I’m going to bang my head against the van. Strike that. I’m going to bang his head against the van. No, that’s not hard enough. Maybe the side of the house.
• I kept Lucille’s sweet smile on my face, but my inner eye narrowed when nobody responded, allowing me to ask the question I really wanted answered. Which one of you bitches is going to die this week?
• “He’s divorced. And she’s dead.”
  “Is she a ghost?” asked Rhona.
  “No.” Should we be thankful for that small favor? Can I get a hell yeah?
• “Cole—,” Vayl began, the growl in his tone a clear territorial warning.
  “Fine,” Cole told him. “You can be in the fantasy too. But fully dressed. Blindfolded. And playing the accordion while a monkey sits on your head like a little monkey hat.”
• I gave the dog a good rubdown. “You know why you’re here, you panting, pooping mink coat, do you? So we can practice biting bad guys in the nuts, right? Because that’s your new trick, isn’t it?” I smiled at Cole from between Jack’s ears, which perked with interest as I asked, “Who do you think we should practice on next?” Jack looked over his shoulder at Cole and ran his massive pink tongue across his lips and nose.
• “You’re nicer to that dog than you are to me. You know that, right?” asked Cole. “Sorry,” I said, with real regret. “But you have to admit, he’s a lot less demanding.” Vayl slipped his hands into the pockets of his black jeans. “Would it make you feel better to know she does not sleep with Jack either?”
• I leaned over to get a better view. Then I grabbed Cole’s arm and squeezed. “If that’s a gnome whose crotch Jack is nosing, I’m going to tie your hair in a bun and sell you to the pirates who operate off this coast. I hear they’re always looking for fresh young girlfriends.”
• “Dammit, Cole, couldn’t you have at least rented something with an engine?” I barked. “If I lifted the hood on this sucker I’ll bet I’d see the skeleton of Tigger, because this car hasn’t had any bounce since Reagan was president.”
• Bergman looked at him like he’d just made the worst financial investment of his life. “Kangaroos are wild animals. I’ve heard they claw like girl fighters and kick like jackhammers. You’re going to get your skull crushed.”
• “Hey, don’t let Jack pee on the tripod, okay? Tell him it’s my territory.” “If you peed on it he’d know without anyone having to say a word,” I told him.
• I said, “I’ll cover the damages, of course.” Though, considering what it must’ve cost to put Astral together, by the time I’d even halved the payment we’d probably both have forgotten about my debt, along with each other’s names and where we’d left our teeth the night before.
• Her image appeared behind my eyes, dressed for church. She stood at the top of her steps, her bag matching her sensible brown slip-ons. I knew it contained a few bucks for the offering as well as coloring supplies for us kids and a crossword book for her. She liked to say that she heard the Lord clearest when the rever...end was droning and she couldn’t for the life of her figure out eighteen across.
• I don’t get guys half the time. But—I smiled to myself as we turned back for the house—they can be awful damn fun.